Fire

Imagine finding yourself in a situation so far removed from the illusion of your own control. So far away from where you thought you would be, and for reasons entirely different than you ever thought. To be thrust into such rapid change. That, you may be used to. But this feeling - of being unearthed when you were not yet ready; feeling like you haven’t moved naturally into novelty. Do you feel like the strangeness of seemingly coincidental life circumstances has befallen you; like you have been placed into circumstances uncomfortably close to home? Taken away from things, people and places, even ones that you are yet to meet and be a part of, that brought you no sense of comfort, yet in which you sought growth? Why would I be taken away from this? What if: Ego took over, and my intention took a backseat… While I was telling myself that I was growing, I was stagnating.

Hindsight is a blessing and a curse. A tool for self-awareness and a trap for the Ego to pull you under and wrap you into the entangled web of guilt, for actions and thought processes alone that you were not consciously able to see differently. Hindsight incites a new frame of consciousness - a bittersweet one. With what you know now, do you wish that things could have been different? With what you know now, do you wish that you could return to situations to which, at the time, you could not be fully present and authentic in, because you weren’t in touch with what you needed - from yourself to flourish in the ways that you deeply wanted to during those formative experiences? Regardless, Here you are. Regardless; fully. Because you choose to Be. Because you keep coming back to what Is. That whatever your emotional state; whatever circumstances have brought you into this place in which thoughts and triggers freely occur, you would still be Here.

I am meant to learn these lessons; I am meant to be in this place. Wherever I am I have the power to be my own guide. To live for myself and move myself through everything on my way. To guide myself towards a lighter place. A place where there is freedom to grow without being the one to hold myself back. Freedom for the wealth of opportunity that is awaiting me when I stop being the one to hold myself back. Freedom to understand that I deeply know how worthy I am without provocation. My roots outstretched and so far entrenched into the ground that holds me. The core that lifts me towards my passions which lie beyond the realm of doubt and fear. To an inborn place of unquestionable security, that nothing and no-one can touch this knowing. Realising that my self worth is; always has been; always will be: Unchanging. Irrespective of ANYTHING outside of myself. Independent of the actions of others. We are there to be the safety for others that we already are for ourselves because, in order to invite someone else in, we need to be there to welcome them in. To offer up our own space after ensuring first that it was ready for us to inhabit. Because, my dear, if you cannot be the safety net that you need - the warmth to hold and be held - then how on Earth can you place this expectation on another? The trauma that you have undergone; the noise that told you to look everywhere but within; that stripped you of your intuitive wisdom. That has shaped you; that can be held in gratitude. Blaming yourself in retrospect is easier. I understand.

But how badly do you want to heal?

To be the person that you already are - that can and will bear witness to the final closing of cycles that have perpetuated your downfalls and ruptured your self worth. Welcome to the unlearning. To the opening up of cyclical wounds before their final closing.

Nothing is in vain and you no longer need to die trying.